TF2 ONESHOTS
by RoyalMermaid
Summary: A bunch of silly stuff. Has a lot of Pyro for some reason. A tad bit of slash in there. Not too bad.
1. Mask Removal

**So I'm posting a bunch of old stuff. Be warned that everything I write is crappy and never serious.**

Scout had been dating the Pyro for several months now. This entire time he had been waiting. He wants to see who the Pyro really is. He could have waited and found a nice girl, but the Pyro intrigued him. It was an enigma, Scout knew nothing about the Pyro. Except, he did know one thing. Obviously the Pyro had to be a girl, why else would she wear that mask and suit all the time? She's hiding her chickness! Just look at those curves, if she ain't a girl then he ain't no Scout. And if she's a girl, then she's got his name all over her. Naturally, I've already claimed her before the big reveal. I know she'll trust me enough to strip one day. I'm just that awesome.

-After various shenanigans and trust issues-

Scout knocked on the Pyro's door. He needed to apologize for nearly killing her yesterday. His arm shifted as he tried to position the cast in his sling to fit better. Maybe jumping out of a window with the Pyro in his arms wasn't a very good idea. What else was he gonna do though? The place was on fire!

He opened the door a crack, tired of waiting. He looked into the Pyro's room, stunned at how bizzare it was. The room was like a maze, with walls everywhere. Each wall was decorated with rainbows and ponies and the like. What the fuck?

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he could have sworn he saw the Pyro's mask peeking at him, as if seeing he was alone. Then out of the opposite corner came the Pyro, without her mask. Except, it wasn't a her., The Scout was so wrong about everything, because peeking out of the suit was a _very_ masculine cat.


	2. Scout's Visit

Scout's breathing went ragged as he jumped and dodged and ran in random patterns, slowly making his way to the enemy base. He saw the Sniper in the window of said base, ready to shoot down any reds heading for the intel. Normally, Scout would do some sweet moves and shoot the Aussie, but alas his scattergun can't shoot that far. So he must use his other greatest asset, his speed.

After jumping over the moat and shooting an unaware Soldier, he made his way into the building. No one was around, not a single sound or movement to be detected. Scout took this as a good sign as he blindly ran up the stairs and ran into a friendly Pyro. Instantly thinking he was a Spy, he started shooting, and Pyro shook its head disapprovingly. The red teams rabbit decided that the little firebug was indeed their Pyro and stopped shooting, but then noticed that the weirdo had both hands firmly planted behind his back.

Scout's confusion must have shown on his face, as Pyro giggled and ran off to their base, making sure to keep whatever it is he has in her hands hidden. Scout just shook his head, he was going to ask after this round ended. Until then, he had an intel to get!

-Later, after a successful mission completed-

A celebratory party ensued after their big win, crushing Blu with 3 to 0. Scout completely forgot to ask the Pyro about what hey were doing in Blu base earlier until he noticed the firebug sneaking away when everyone was watching the drinking contest between Demo and Heavy. Scout just shrugged his shoulders and followed him, wanting to satisfy his curiosity as soon as possible. Why he cared so much about the mysterious actions of the oddest oddball on the team was a question he couldn't answer, and one he didn't want to think about. He just continued on down the hallway, Pyro's room approaching in his view. He's never actually been in the Pyro's room, he doesn't think anyone has been in there besides Pyro. Maybe two questions will be answered today?

Scout approached the door and knocked on it, bouncing on the balls of his feet. He can never stop moving, it pisses him off when he stops. The Pyro slowly cracked open the door, one eye peering through the crack, covered by the gas masks eyepiece. He stared out into the hallway for a while, then opened the door and stepped out. Scout got a brief glimpse of bright pinks and blues before the door was slammed shut. Pyro crossed his arms and tilted her head, as if to ask what Scout wanted.

"So uhh... ya know about earlier? Back in the Blu base? What the heck was that about?" Scout didn't really know how to address the matter at hand. This isn't really a thing you ask people, now that he thinks about it.

Pyro giggles knowingly, like the cocky bastard he is. When I look I notice he still has his hands behind his back. Almost bashfully he hands me...

"A fish?" Scout takes it, confusion apparent on his features. Yet again Pyro giggles, and mumbles something like 'Now name it and beat people with it. It's gotta be embarrassing to be hit with a fish!'

And that is how Scout got a fish named The Holy Mackerel, and he spy checks with it to this day.


	3. Cuddles

The screen had long ago went to static, but Sniper didn't care enough to turn off the T.V. He had more concerning matters, like the head on his lap. After several weeks of building the Pyro's trust, Sniper eventually won his heart and now is stroking the Pyro's fur without a care in the world. The adorable ball of fluff purred against his leg, squirming whenever Sniper pet him. Sniper loves having a cat, it's probably the best thing ever.


	4. WM1

The RED team walked back to their base, a job well done. They had just mowed down the BLU team, earning RED a victory. As the REDs walked in, they gathered around Soldier who had stood up on a barrel, yelling for everyone's attention.

"You were all outstanding men! Except for one... Pyro! You must stop running forward with your primary out! Use your shotgun more, be a real man!"

Heavy stepped forward and cleared his throat.

"Excuse me Soldier, but I walk forward with my gun too. Am I wrong?"

"No!" Soldier yelled. "That is what you are supposed to do."

"Da, as it is also what Pyro is supposed to do. Leave him be."

"Despite what you say, my point still stands!" Soldier marched off, declaring this discussion over. Pyro looked over at Heavy, grateful. He didn't want to be doing anything wrong, and Heavy assured him he wasn't.

Heavy walked over to Pyro and grabbed his hand.

"Come, this way." Heavy lead Pyro to his room. "Now we may speak in private."

Pyro tilted his head in confusion. What could Heavy want to talk about?

"Pyro, I believe we should be friends. You are misunderstood. Da, not a monster."

Pyro clapped his hands and nodded. He loved friends!

"Would you like to play chess?" 

Pyro nodded, and they had fun playing chess for the rest of the day.


End file.
